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Thirty Years Among the Dead by Dr. Carl Wickland

CHAPTER XII Selfishness

THOSE whose earthly interests have been superficial, who have been
dominated by pride, vanity, greed, ambition and selfishness, are held in the
earth sphere after transition until these tendencies have been conquered and
love and sympathy have been developed through service for others.

Frequently spirits whose earth lives were spent in pursuit of pleasure
and the pastimes of wealthy society have attained realization of a higher life
through our psychic circle.

Among these was one who sank with the "Titanic" in 1912.

EXPERIENCE, OCTOBER 22, 1916.
Spirit: JOHN J. A. Psychic: MRS.
WICKLAND.

After the spirit of W. T. Stead had visited with us a few moments,
another spirit came in, struggling desperately, as if swimming, and called
loudly for aid.

Spirit Help! Help! !

Doctor Where did you come from?

Sp. That man who just left told me to come in here.

Dr. Have you been in the water?

Sp. I drowned, but I have come to life again. I cannot see that man now,
but I heard him talking and he told me to step in. He said that you know the
way and would teach me, and that I could go with him afterwards. But now I
cannot see him.

I'm blind! I'm blind! I don't know whether the water blinded me or not,
but I am blind.

Dr. That is only spiritual blindness. When a person passes out of his
physical body without a knowledge of the laws of the higher life, he finds
himself in a condition of darkness. It is the darkness of ignorance.

Sp. Then I will not always be blind?

Dr. You must realize that you are in the spirit world and that spirit
friends are here who will teach you how to progress out of your condition of
darkness.

SP. I can see a little now. For a while I could see, but the door was shut
again and I could not see through. I was with my wife and child for a time,
but no one noticed me. But now the door is closed and I am out in the cold.

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I am all alone when I go to my home. Changes seem to have taken place.
I do not know what I shall do.

Dr. You have not realized your own situation.

Sp. What is the matter anyway? What is causing this darkness? What can
I do to get out of it? I never was so handicapped as I am now. I was all right
for just a minute. I hear somebody talking. There, now I see him again. Was it
Mr. Stead?

Dr. Mr. Stead was speaking through this instrument just before you
came. Mr. Stead probably brought you here for help. It is our work to
awaken earthbound spirits who are in darkness.

Sp. This darkness is terrible. I have been in this darkness for a long time.

Dr. Understand that there is no death. Life continues in the spirit world,
where each one must serve others in order to progress.

Sp. I really was not what I should have been. I just lived for self. I
wanted amusement and to spend money. But now all I have seen is my past,
and I have been in the darkness, and it is terrible.

Every act of my past stands before me, and I want to run away from it,
but I cannot. It is there all the time and accuses me, because I could have done
differently. I have seen so many places where I could have done good, but
now it seems too late.

Dr. When a person lives for self alone he usually finds himself in
darkness when he passes over to the other side of life. You must obtain
understanding of the glories of the spirit world and realize that life there is
service to others. That is the true "Heaven"--it is a condition of mind.

Sp. Why are not these things taught in the world?

Dr. Would the world listen? Humanity as a whole does not look for the
spiritual side of life, but looks for other things. The world is seeking for
amusement and for selfish gain, not for truth.

Sp. There is such a queer feeling coming over me! Mother! Mother my
loving mother! (Spirit.) I am a man, but I feel like a child in your arms again. I
have been longing for you, but I have been living all by myself in the terrible
darkness. Why is it that I should be in the dark? Cannot my eyes be cured?
Will I be blind all the time? Isn't it strange that I can see you, yet I seem to be
blind?

Dr. You have a spiritual body now, and when your spiritual

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eyes are opened you will see the beautiful things of the spirit world.

Sp. I see Mr. Stead there. We were both on the same boat, but he does
not seem to be in the dark.

Dr. He understood the truth of spirit return and life on the other side
while he was on earth. Life is a school and we must learn all we can about the
spirit side of life while we are on earth, for the only light we have when we
pass to the other side is the knowledge pertaining to life's problems which we
have gathered here.

Sp. Why did no one ever tell me these things?

Dr. Would you have listened to any one who would have tried to talk to
you on these subjects?

Sp. No one ever approached me with such ideas.

Dr. What year do you think this is?

Sp. 1912.

Dr. It is 1916.

Sp. Where have I been? I have been very hungry and cold. I had a very
great deal of money, but lately when I have wanted some to spend I could not
get hold of it. Sometimes I seemed to be shut up in a room, very dark, and I
could see nothing but a procession of my past life.

I was not a bad man, but you probably know what society people are. I
did not know until now what it was to be poor. It is a new experience to me.
Why should humanity not be taught differently before death? Then there
would not be such suffering as I am in now.

Dr. If you will go with your mother and other spirit friends and try to
understand what they tell you, you will feel much happier.

Sp. I can see Mr. Stead. I met him on the boat but I had no use for his
teachings. I thought he was old and that he had a hobby. You know when
people get old they have hobbies of one kind or another.

I never had time for such things, because all I thought of was my money
and society. We do not see the poor people and we do not care to see them.

I could do so differently now, but money is of no use to me any longer.

My mother is waiting for me and I should like to go with her, for I have
not seen her for years, and it is so good to see her. She says she could not
reach me, for I was like a crazy man and would not listen to her.

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Bless you all for the help you have been to me, and for having opened
my eyes. It is misery to be blind, yet able to see the procession of your past
life, and not be able to see or hear anything else.

Dr. We should like to know your name.

Sp. I am John J. A., and I am glad I met you all. I am so grateful for what
you have told me. Now I can see and hear, and understand something that I
did not know existed.

My mother and friends are coming for me, and now I am going through
that beautiful gate into what will be to me Heaven.

I again thank you all, and hope some day to come and see you again.

Goodbye.

        ----------------------

A few weeks later the foregoing spirit brought a friend, another member
of New York's aristocracy, who had met his death at the sinking of the
"Lusitania."

EXPERIENCE, NOVEMBER 5, 1916
Spirit: ALFRED V. Psychic: MRS. WICKLAND

Spirit Somebody told me to come in here and I would get warm.

Doctor What is your name?

Sp. Alfred V. I was on a boat. John J. A. came and told me he would try
to help me get in here. He said if I would come in here I would get help.

Say, I have never been hungry in my life before, but I am both hungry
and cold, and my clothes are all wet.

Dr. That is only a condition of your mind. You have lost your physical
body and should not feel the need of food.

Sp. I know I drowned and I have been in misery ever since.

Dr. If you had an understanding of the life hereafter and of progression
in the spirit world you would soon find happiness through serving others.

Sp. I never was happy. I suppose I had my own way too much, yet
sometimes I felt, what was the use. But I thought: "Just forget yourself and
have a good time."

You may not care for society life, but in society you can drown yourself
in gaiety. I really did not care for society life.

I used to forget myself with my horses. If you have a beautiful horse he
is faithful to you through life. But when you

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get into society, women just show you one side-smiles, and sometimes they
hate you.

The love I know most is the love of a beautiful, faithful horse. Horses
were my pleasure and I felt they loved me.

Women liked me only for what I could do for them; they wanted money
and pleasure. Women wanted all the money they could get from me. I let go
of things and tried to lose myself in pleasure, but I was not happy.

Society does not know anything about honor and respectability. If I
could find people as faithful and true as my horse was to me, I tell you I
would thank you for that society. But go into the kind of society I have
known, and men and women are nothing.

I was a sport myself, but there were things that drove me to forget that
little thing within me, conscience. I longed for something that was good, but
where can you find it?

Not amongst society, but amongst horses. Society is all right if you want
that kind of a life. You will probably realize that I developed a great deal of
selfishness.

Dr. You must try now to forget your past life with all its sorrow and
bitterness. Look for higher things; then your spiritual eyes will be opened.

Sp. Friends that took an interest in me brought me here, and my eyes
have been opened since I came. I feel that probably-but I am not sure-a time
may come when I can be happy. I have never been really happy, for when a
child I had my own way too much.

I thank you for allowing me to come here. If I ever am truly happy I will
come back and tell you so.

A sequel to the above occurred several years later, when John J. A., and
Alfred V., brought to our circle a friend of theirs, Anna H., stage celebrity.

EXPERIENCE, SEPTEMBER 8, 1918
Spirit: ANNA H. Psychic: MRS. WICKLAND

Spirit Water! Please, water! (A glass of water was given and eagerly taken.)

Thank you so much! I have been very sick and am still weak. The
doctors really do not know what is the matter with me. They said I must
be kept quiet. My legs and arms pain me so.

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Doctor We will relieve your pain. (Manipulating arms of psychic.)

Sp. Be very careful about my bones. I want to retain my beautiful form.
I want to get well and return to my work. I have been very sick, and I am
still very weak.

Dr. What is your name?

Sp. My name is Anna H.

Dr. How did you come to Los Angeles?

Sp. I am not in Los Angeles. I am in New York.

Dr. Who brought you here?

Sp. I thought I had a dream and that Alfred V. came and spoke to me. He
always liked me, but he is dead. Now he says that I must wake up.

I am so sick. My bones, my bones! I don't want to lose my beautiful
form. I feel that I am commencing to get better and stronger. Will I live now,
and can I perform again and do my work? I do not want to lose my beautiful
form.

Dr. You will never perform on the physical plane again.

Sp. I hope to. Alfred V. bothered me so much, but he is dead.

Dr. Does he look as though he were dead?

Sp. He seems to be very well, but I thought I was dreaming. Why, here
is John J. A., too! They are both dead.

Dr. So are you.

Sp. When did I die?

Dr. A short time ago.

Sp. Alfred says that they do missionary work to wake up spirits. But
they do not believe in such things as spirits. I don't want to die.

Dr. Nobody actually "dies."

Sp. Of course they do. The doctors said I could never get well. I fought
and fought to live. I want to live. I want to overcome my sickness and get
well again, and I want to retain my beautiful form.

Dr. From now on you must try to develop a beautiful spirit.

Sp. The two men want me to go with them to find understanding.

Dr. They have found the truth through this little circle. They were very
poor spiritually before they came here, but became rich, through an
understanding of a more beautiful life than they had here on earth.

Sp. What is this place? They say it is the Gate to the Understanding of
Real Life-The Gateway.

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(Noticing dress.) This dress does not fit well. (Touching neck and
shoulders.) This is not my neck, or face, or form. They say I am weak yet,
but I am to go with them and they will show me the way, but that I have
much to learn.

Dr. Did you ever ask yourself: "What is Mind?"

Sp. No. I just wanted my beautiful form. If it were not for my beautiful
form and acting I could not have attracted people to me and earned my
living. There are quite a few people here. (Spirits.) Alfred said if I came here
he would bring me to my relations, and to a beautiful home beyond the
grave.

Dr. What do they call that place?

Sp. I do not like the name, but they say, "The Spirit World." They say
that is the home beyond the grave. They say I shall have to overcome my
earthly condition before I can open my psychic eyes. I do not know what
they mean.

They say if I go with them I will find beautiful conditions after I have
understanding, but that I shall have to overcome a great deal of self and live
for others.

Alfred says that we lived for society and ourselves, and we have to
suffer for it. He says I must go, but I cannot, for I am very sick.

Dr. Your body was sick, but you have lost that body. It is in the East.

Sp. I feel better now than I did a while ago.

Dr. My wife is a psychic sensitive, and you are speaking through her
body. Alfred V. and John J. A. at one time controlled her body as you are
now doing.

Sp. My bones are so sore.

Dr. That is only in your mind. Mind is not the body. Mind is invisible.
We do not see you at all; you are invisible to us.

Sp. (Touching face.) This is not my face, and I don't want this form. I
want my beautiful form.

Dr. It will be your duty to serve others in the spirit world.

Sp. These people want me to go with them. They took quite an interest
in me and my work. My pains seem to be leaving me.

Will you please tell me how I could come here when you are all strangers
to me? I do not know why I should be here tonight. I feel so well now.

Dr. We are carrying on experimental work to learn what becomes of the
dead. My wife is a psychic and you are controlling her body.

Sp. Alfred says I must go. I thought I had a dream and
that I was going to die, but I fought and fought for a long time.

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I did not want to die, so I used all my will power to live as long as I could.

One day I felt very weak and I went to sleep for quite a while, but I
woke up again, as I wanted to live. They thought I was dead, but I was not. I
had only gone to sleep. I wanted to live because life is dear to me, but I was
sick so long and suffered so severely.

I went to sleep again and I slept a long time, and when I woke up it was
all dark, and I could not see anything at all. Everything was dark, dark, dark. I
could not find any light and it was so dark. I felt so distressed-all dark.

I thought then I went to sleep again, and as I slept I dreamed Alfred V.
and John J. A. came to me and said: "Anna, wake up! We are here to help
you. Come with us. Come!"

I thought I was waking up, but I was so sick, so sick, that I could not go
with them. My crippled body was so sick.

They said: "We will take you to a place where you will have a new body,
and you will be well and strong. Come with us to a more beautiful world than this."

Here I am, all well and strong. Will I not have those terrible pains again?
They are so hard on me.

I felt I must not eat too much, or drink too much, or I would not be able
to retain my beautiful form. I would not eat meat, because I would get too
fat, and I must eat just enough to retain the roundness of my form.

What have I now? Why did I not do more helpful things? Life was so
sweet. I liked to be flattered and I liked to have admirers. It is so hard to lose
your admirers.

Dr. Do Alfred V. and J. A. flatter you now?

Sp. No. They do not look as they used to. There is a seriousness about
them. They look so sincere that I feel different with them. While to me they
look much younger, I know they are older. They do not say to me as they
did once: "Come along and have a good time."

Life was very sweet while I had admirers. But I suffered for my vanity.
The doctors said if I had not laced so much I would not have been so sick. I
would not mind the doctors either. They wanted me to eat to get strength,
but I was afraid if I lay there and ate, and did not get my regular massage and
baths, I could not keep my form, so I starved myself.

When I was in the dark Alfred came to me and said: "Come I will show
you something far more beautiful than a beautiful form and selfishness and
vanity. They are only shadows. Now

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come, and we will show you why we should live for others. You will be
beautiful again when you have served others, but you must forget self and
overcome all selfishness."

Now I must serve and I must help.

Suddenly the spirit lost control and was gone.

  -----------------

Two years later, after Anna H. had brought the spirits of Olive T.* and
Anna D. to our circle, she spoke to us again.

EXPERIENCE, SEPTEMBER 22, 1920
Spirit: ANNA H. Psychic: MRS. WICKLAND

Good Evening. I came here tonight to thank you for what you have done
for me. I am now very happy. I only lived for myself and for my body and
beauty. I lived only for a good time.

When you live for a good time you are not really happy. You are always
afraid that some one will shine brighter than yourself, or that some one will
take your place and charm away your admirers.

Here in this room I found harmony, when I was in such darkness. I could
not see anything except all the promises I had made and broken, and I felt sad.

Now I have understanding of the real life. The real life is to serve others,
to do good for others, to help others; then you yourself will have help. This
brings happiness, which is "Heaven"-it is the Heaven of Contentment.

When I first came here I was very sad and gloomy. I had only thought of
self, with never a thought of God, our Maker. We should all think of Him
and learn to know Him. He is the, one we should pray to and we should try
to realize what life is.

We should learn to know, not be satisfied with blind belief. Learn to
understand God in His truest sense.

I was once quite a church-going girl. I believed and believed and
condemned others, and thought if you did not do so and so you would be
lost. That is the reason many fall by the wayside.

People only have time for amusement. They do not go to church. Why
are they not taught to understand the real Christ spirit?

Give them innocent amusement of one kind or another, and do not keep
them wrapped in gloom, praying and praying all the time. They fall. They
want to go to church and they want

*See Chap. 7, Pages 155, 159.Spirit: Olive T.

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to have a good time, but they are taught that if they do not go to church and
pray they will fall lower and lower and they will be condemned, not by God,
but condemned by the people.

If a girl falls, who will raise her up? Does the church do this work? No;
churches will not have anything to do with her, because they say she is bad.
They say: "We do not want our daughters to go about with her or be seen in
her company, because she will make them bad."

Since churches teach the Gospel of Christ, why should they not help
such a soul to rise? Christ did not accuse the fallen woman. He said that he
who was without sin should cast the first stone. Because a woman had fallen,
accusers stood ready to throw stones at her. When Christ spoke, the accusers
went away. Then what did Christ do? He took her hand, lifted her up and
said: "Where are your accusers? Go and sin no more."

He meant she should try to enter a new life and do better. But society
will not have her. The churches will not have her. She is down. Where will
she go? Where can she go?

She has not sinned against any one but herself. Her own self accuses her
for what she has done. How can she rise? If she goes to church she will not
be helped there. She can only go to the lowest condition where there is a good
time and champagne, and try to drown her conscience.

Suppose we tell the people that this unfortunate girl has fallen, has had
to go into a wild underworld, has been bad, has had no chance to rise, and
that her character has gone-will they help her? No, they will not.

We should always try to help others, especially the weak and fallen
ones, and try to raise them as Christ taught us. Do not condemn, but raise
them to society again, and help them to be honest and sincere. Then we shall
convert the world of men as well as women.

Men are also greatly to blame for trying to ruin poor innocent little girls.
Just because a girl has a beautiful face and has charms men should not praise
and flatter. They ruin the girl. The man goes back to society but the girl goes
lower and lower. She cannot go back to her former life but has to remain
where she is.

If you could see the lower life of Paris you would shudder and realize
that that is hell. People who go there have lost their pride, their senses. The
women there have lost all modesty.

They do not believe in God; they do not believe in the Christian religion
any more, because the Christian religion and its

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people have driven them to what they are. They think there is no God and
so they can do whatever they wish.

Let us try to help these unfortunates. I am now working in the slums of
earthbound spirits. I am serving. There was a time when I would not soil my
hands to help anybody, because I had to be waited on. I had my maid, and if
I were not waited on at once, just when I wanted things, I scolded and was
very irritable.

Now I wait on the lowest with the true spirit of Christ, who taught us to
serve others and love others as ourselves and God above all things.

When the one who has fallen by the wayside is given true understanding,
then that soul will serve, and his love for his fellow man will be much
stronger than that of the one who does not have that understanding.. One
who has always had a good home, gone to church and is pure and good,
knows nothing of evil.

Let us all understand our Maker, the God of us all. Our Maker is God
for the one who has fallen just as much as for the pure. God is Love.

When you have shining in your heart that light of love which is the love
of God-not love as people understand it, lukewarm, sentimental love, but
love which has suffered and which understands, which does not ask
anything, which sacrifices and will serve from the lowest to the highest-that
is real, true love.

When people are crushed we should raise them again with love and
sympathy, then we could not condemn any one. God does not condemn.
Why should we? God loves all his children. He has given them all free will to
go their own way for a while until they are ready to say: "Not my will any
longer, but Thine."

Each one of us has had experience in one way or another, but let us all
look to God, and let the love of God and understanding so shine in our souls
that each will he a part of that divine spirit of love.

No minister, no one, can reach you, but you yourself will have to see and
feel what God really is. Then you will sin no more.

That is Heaven; that is Bliss. It is beautiful, it is harmonious. When each
understands the other in God's love, then there is peace and harmony; but
you will have to feel this beautiful condition, which we call Heaven, within you.

You cannot be contented in this beautiful condition unless

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you help others. We stand by our brothers and sisters. We call them so
through love of God.

Say to those in misery: "Let me reach my hand down to you and I will
help you to an understanding of the true love of God and you, too, will shine
in this Heaven of Love."

From your own home in the spirit world you reach down to the lower
plane and you see some here, some there, in all kinds of agony. Some have
taken their own lives because of disappointment in love. Others are
overcome by sickness. Others are all crippled.

Others are being punished by conscience. Through lack of understanding
they pray and pray and sing. They are only ignorant. They pray to the
personal God they believe in, but the poor things do not understand the truth.

Others are earthbound because of their belief. They do not want to talk
to you because you do not belong to their church. They say: "I do not want
to have anything to do with you. You stay there, and I will stay here," and
the praying and singing goes on.

They do not know that they have passed out, neither do they know of
the wonderful God of Understanding. When you have understanding, the
knowledge of God will shine in your heart.

I am in the spirit world now, and it is all so beautiful, but I would not
have had all this happiness so soon had I not come here and been given
understanding. I would not have had it if I had not served. I have brought
many here who were crippled through lack of understanding and they
received light.

These two young girls, Olive T. and her little friend, Anna D., who both
took their own lives, are ones whom I will look after. I could do nothing with
them, because they knew I was dead. Their fear of me kept me from them.
They shunned me. I could not reach them. I did not want them to go to any
other place. I did not want them to go to earth life and obsess some one.

I brought both of them here tonight and I shall take them to my home in
the spirit world. I will take care of them and help them to an understanding,
and some day they may come and thank you as I have come to thank you tonight.

Let us all have an understanding of truth. Do not only believe. Belief is
all right, but to your belief add knowledge and understanding of God's
wonderful love.

Do not let others tell you they will save you, because they cannot do it.
You will have to find the saving spirit within

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yourself. When the love of understanding shines in your heart you will
realize the wisdom of God.

Then you will not need to think that God is in His "Heaven." He is here,
there and everywhere. He is in the drop of water, He is in the flowers; all are
a part of His wonderful work. Let us worship Him and let us see Him with
open eyes, and we will be happy.

Thank you for allowing me to come.

Goodbye.

           -----------------

In Chicago we had known two Jewish ladies, Mrs. Sr. and Mrs. Simons,
who were excellent friends, although the latter was somewhat tyrannical in
her exactions.

She particularly disapproved of the automatic writing which her friend
was experimenting with, declaring that Spiritualism was a fraud, since after
death everyone became a flower,- a bird, or a tree.

Mrs. Simons passed away in the presence of her friend, suffering from
dropsy and intense lumbago pains. A number of years later, when Mrs. Sr.
was in California, she developed melancholia and was afflicted so severely
with pains in her back that she could not walk erectly.

After spending three weeks in the hospital without any improvement she
came to us and after the following experience, during a circle at which Mrs.
Sr. was present, she was entirely relieved.

EXPERIENCE, OCTOBER 27, 1919
Spirit: MRS. SIMONS. Patient: MRS. SR
Psychic: MRS. WICKLAND.

The controlling entity groaned and immediately placed hands on back,
apparently in great pain.

Doctor Are you in trouble? Have you lost your body without
understanding it?

Spirit I don't know.

Dr. We can relieve your pain. Tell us who you are.

Sp. I don't know.

Dr. Surely you know your own name.

Sp. I cannot think.

Dr. How long have you been dead?

Sp. I don't know if I am dead.

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Dr. What did your friends call you?

Sp. Mrs. Simons.

Dr. Where did you live?

Sp. Chicago.

Dr. Where did you live in Chicago?

Sp. It's a long time ago, and I don't know. I have not felt just right.

Dr. In what way?

Sp. I felt so small, and was so uncomfortable.

Dr. Do you realize that you were interfering with some one? Sp. I
know that I am in such a stupor. I don't feel natural. Dr. Do you
know the reason for that?

Sp. No.

Dr. You did not believe in spirits, did you?

Sp. No, and I don't believe it yet.

Dr. Then you do not believe in your own self, do you? You
thought any one who believed in spirits was foolish. Is it not foolish
to be an earthbound spirit? Do you realize that you have been one?

Mrs. Sr. Do you know me?

Sp. I know that voice; it belongs to a friend of mine.

Dr. Where is she?

Sp. In Chicago.

Dr. What was her business?

Sp. I don't know. Everything is so dark and I cannot remember
anything. I know that voice, but I cannot tell you who it belongs to. I
cannot remember her name at all, but I knew her in Chicago. She used
to call and see me. My friend was always like sunshine to me. She
helped me.

Dr. What did she do?

Sp. She always came with such a nice cheerful disposition, but
she got interested in Spiritualism once. I told her not to bother with it
because there was nothing in it. I would not have anything to do with that.

I miss her so. I only see her once in a while. I feel so little and
uncomfortable. To save my life I cannot think of her name.

Dr. What was her first name?

Sp. It comes to me now! It was R. Something ails my memory and
things are so queer to me. Once in a while I get a glimpse of light, then
I feel I am locked up in a small place. You know I am a big woman and
in that little place (aura of patient) I was so crowded that I had no feeling.

Dr. Did you get warmed up occasionally?

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Sp. Yes, once in a while. I do not know what is the matter, but
something burns me sometimes. (Static treatment given patient.) Now
it is all dark, dark. I do not see a thing. I do not know which is the
best, the fire, or being crowded so that I got no breath. I could not
breathe. I do not know why it is. But I seemed to have gotten a shock.

Dr. Did you die from a shock?

Sp. I cannot tell that I am dead because I do not feel dead. I have
had fire, and sometimes it was like thunder, shooting pain.

Mrs. Sr. Do you remember Dr. Wickland?

Sp. Yes.

Mrs. Sr. Do you remember that machine he had?

Sp. The one that shot fire?

Mrs. Sr. Yes, and that is the fire you feel.

Sp. Why, I didn't take treatments from him.

Mrs. Sr. You have been bothering me all these years.

Sp. Why did I bother you?

Mrs. Sr. Have Doctor explain it to you.

Dr. It is not hard to explain. You are now a spirit and have been
hovering around your friend. That is why you feel uncomfortable.
You are not in Chicago now, you are in California. You are in Los
Angeles, California. Don't you remember Mrs. Sr.?

Sp. Yes, she was in Chicago.

Dr. You are both in Los Angeles now.

Sp. I was in Chicago. I always had pains in my legs, and very
often in my head.

Mrs. S. You gave me those pains lately.

Dr. You loaned Mrs. Sr. your pains.

Sp. No, you are mistaken in that.

Mrs. Sr. Do you remember Mrs. Wickland of Chicago-Dr.
Wickland's wife? Do you remember she was a psychic?

Sp. I don't seem to remember. It is strange I don't know anything.

Mrs. Sr. You thought you knew so much.

Sp. I supposed I knew. You meddled with that foolish thing,
Spiritualism, and I did not want to have anything to do with it. Have
you been fooling with it again?

Mrs. Sr. No, you have been fooling with me.

Sp. No, I did not want to have anything to do with that; there is
nothing in it.

I didn't like that fire-I could not stand it. It chased me

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away. I suffered terribly. When I was chased out I was locked up in a
new room.

Dr. You were locked up in a room of ignorance.

Mrs. Sr. It is a long time since you died.

Sp. I am not dead.

Dr. Look at this hand. Is that yours? You are using another body
now. You are proving that what you thought was humbug is true.

Mrs. Sr. Do you know what year it is Mrs. Simons?

Sp. I don't know anything. Where is my home? Where is my girl?

Mrs. Sr. Your girl is not here.. You are in Los Angeles, California.

Sp. No, now you are a little off. Mrs. Sr., don't you know you are
in Chicago?

Mrs. Sr. I have been here in California for six and one-half years.

Sp. We are in Chicago. Such a foolish woman! She is hypnotized
and wants to have me believe such a story.

Dr. Wouldn't you like to understand matters? You have been
dead a good many years, and were hovering around your friend, Mrs.
Sr. You were driven away from her by electricity. Now you are
allowed to control my wife's body temporarily so you may acquire
understanding.

Do you know anything about the purpose of life? Did that ever
interest you? No, therefore you think there could not be anything in a
higher life.

You call yourself Mrs. Simons. This body belongs to Mrs.
Wickland and she is in Los Angeles, California. You claim you are in
Chicago and we cannot convince you of the facts. You have been
obsessing Mrs. Sr.

Sp. I came to her because it was so dark. It seems I had been
sleeping for a while, then I woke up. I saw a light, then I was here. I
could see just a little light if I could be with her.

Dr. You got into her magnetic aura and made her suffer. In order
to get you out I applied electricity to her.

Mrs. Sr. Do you know what I told Doctor? I told him to give you
that electricity.

Sp. You have no sympathy for a poor old, lady like me.

Dr. Would you have liked to have an earthbound spirit control
your body?

SP. I will not listen to you.

Dr. You are willing to bother your friend.

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Sp. I do not know whether I have been bothering her. I have only
been around her to see light.

Dr. Then how did you happen to get the electricity when I gave it
to her? I have never treated you.

Mrs. Sr. By right you ought to pay Dr. Wickland for that
treatment, Mrs. Simons.

Sp. Tell me one thing-how did I come here? I do not think you are
right, Mrs. Sr., but if you should be, how did you come to California?

Mrs. Sr. By paying my railroad fare I came here. Did you pay anything?

Sp. I never paid anything, so how did I get here? I don't believe it
anyhow-you cannot say that to me! I am in Chicago, and Mrs. Sr. was
never in California.

Dr. Do you hear that rumble? That is a train leaving Los Angeles
for Chicago.

Sp. That is the Northwestern train.

Dr. There is no Northwestern out here. What do you gain by
arguing? When you understand the situation you will appreciate what
I am trying to tell you.

What would you think of a person who refused to understand life,
who has been dead seven or eight years, whose body is lost and in
the grave, and who is an ignorant spirit, bothering one who was
formerly a friend?

Sp. I cannot see how that is.

Dr. We are telling you facts.

Mrs. Sr. Your body was buried in Waltheim. Cemetery six or eight
years ago.

Sp. I have been sleeping. I woke up with very severe pains and I
could not move very well, and I felt so crowded.

Dr. That was because Mrs. Sr.'s body is smaller than yours, and
you have been obsessing her.

Sp. How could I get in that body? I felt I could hardly move. I
have to find out what you are talking about. I don't believe it. I want
to know what object you have to say such things?

Dr. Did you ever study Life at all?

Sp. I studied trees and Nature.

Dr. Did you ever observe how the tree grows? It is wonderful. God
puts life into it and it grows. What is life?

Sp. God, I suppose.

Dr. Have you ever seen mind?

Sp. Mind is mind.

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Dr. Have you ever seen mind?

Sp. No, you could not talk if you had no mind.

Dr. Mind is invisible, isn't it?

Sp. I haven't seen it.

Dr. Suppose we tell you that you are invisible to us. When I speak to
you I can see only my wife's body.

Sp. Your wife's body? Mrs. Sr., what is the matter? Have I lost my body?

Mrs. Sr. Yes, you have.

Dr. Only your stubbornness keeps you in the dark.

Sp. I haven't seen or heard anything. There was a time, I tell you, when I
walked on and on, but always in the dark, and it seemed like I never could get
there. I rested, then I kept on walking. At first I could see just a little light,
and it seems like it came to me in a flash-"Mrs. Sr.!" I thought, "Yes, she was
a friend of mine" and then I could see her.

Dr. You transferred yourself by thought.

Sp. Then I had a terrible pain. I thought I had lost all my pain for a little
while. I woke up and felt no pain at first, but when I got to that light all the
pain came back.

Dr. You had pain when you had your body. You must understand you
are a spirit, invisible to us. When an earthbound spirit comes in touch with a
mortal body he again has the pains he passed out with. You got in touch with
Mrs. Sr., and had your mortal pains again.

You have caused trouble. You were selfish and you have not gained
anything by it. In the spirit world you will have to serve others. Realize that
you are now a spirit; you no longer have a physical body. Why did you not
become a tree as you expected to ?

Mrs. Sr. Your body is buried in Waltheim Cemetery, Chicago. Go to the
cemetery and see if you have a tombstone there.

Sp. I don't want to go and examine my tombstone in the cemetery.

Dr. Did you go to church?

Sp. I believed that when I died there was nothing more. I didn't want to
have such foolish thoughts as you had, Mrs. Sr. I had my own ideas and did
not need yours.

Dr. God created the world but you did not investigate anything.

Sp. (In great excitement.) My God! My God I see my

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mother! (Spirit.) Why, she is in her grave- yes, many years
ago! It must be a ghost. She looks so beautiful.

Dr. She did not limit her mind as you did. She did not want to be a tree.
You must be willing to learn. Jesus said: "Except ye become as little children
ye shall not enter into the kingdom of Heaven."

Sp. (Of Jewish faith.) I do not believe in Jesus.

Dr. What you believe, or what you do not believe, has nothing to do with
the fact of life

Sp. Mother, is that really you? Why, look at that beautiful road, with
beautiful trees and flowers!

See that beautiful garden and those beautiful houses, and my mother
walking around.

Dr. Your mother is not a tree, is she?

Sp. Now she is walking on that beautiful road. She says: "Come, this is
my home." Her home, but not mine. Can't I go with my mother?

Dr. Ignorance cannot enter the "Kingdom of Heaven."

Sp. Look at that steep hill which I have to climb! I cannot climb that hill
with the big body I have. Mother says: "No, you cannot climb it with your
body, but you have to climb the hill of understanding, and you must forget
yourself. Forget that you have existed in your selfishness. You must serve."

I know; I. know. Yes, I was selfish. Mother, I will try, but help me! Help
me up there! I cannot do it alone. (Crying.)

I cannot stay in this misery any longer! Take me, take me, Mother, with
you. Take me with you and show me!

She says I must work and not be lazy as I was in life and expect
everybody to do something for me. If they did not do what I wanted then I
got angry.

My mother says: "Now you have to serve. You have to work to climb
this hill of understanding to a higher life. You have now to learn the first
lesson of life, the lesson of understanding, and you will have to go up that hill
until you have gotten away from all selfishness, jealousy and envy. You must
do that.

"You must also ask forgiveness for what you have done to Your old
friend. You will have to do it," my mother says. "You will have to be
forgiven. (Crying.) No, you must ask for forgiveness, because you have been
selfish, very selfish. All thoughts of self must be thrown away, and you must
live for others. I am your mother, but I cannot take you to my home yet,
because you must learn."

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(Doubtfully.) She says she is my mother-but I do not know. Yes-I
believe it must be, but she looks so beautiful.

Dr. That is because she is filled with the spirit of truth.

Sp. Mrs. Sr., if I ask you to forgive me, will you forgive me?

Mrs. Sr. I surely will. You didn't know any better.

Sp. You have helped me to light, and it was because of you that I
reached this understanding.

Mrs. S. You must thank the Wicklands for it.

Sp. I don't feel like thanking them for it. Mother says I must, because I
would still be in that terrible pain and agony but for them. She says I got into
your magnetic aura with a mind full of pain and selfishness and envy. Love
was not in me, except selfish love, and she says now I must have love for
others and not self. Forget self and work for others, then, she says, I will be happy.

Dr. "Love is the fulfillment of the law."

Sp. I don't know. I didn't have much interest in those things. I now see
myself as I was. I was a bundle of selfishness. Mrs. Sr., I must also ask you
to forgive me because many times I spoke to you in a very rude way, and I
was selfish. I felt people should always come to see me and they had to do
it. I see now my selfishness.

Mrs. Sr., please forgive me. I ask it now from my heart. I see now, but
before I did not want to see it, because that was putting my past life before
me, and how I had lived for self. I do not want that evil, ugly, homely body
of mine, which they (guiding intelligences) show me. That is not my body.

Dr. That is your spiritual body, for you have made no other. You have
made a spiritual body of only selfishness and jealousy.

Sp. It is all crippled and wrinkled.

Dr. You will have to alter it by your good acts for others. You will have
to wear the garment you made until you have earned another.

Sp. To think I should have to wear such an ugly, homely, old fool thing!
That-that spiritual body of mine-just because I did not do anybody any good!

Dr. You will have to wear that and be happy until you have learned
how to earn another, and to climb the hill of understanding and wisdom.

Sp. So I have to live now in that awful body of mine. I have to get in.

Dr. Serve--serve your fellow man.

Sp. I will be brave, and I will try, because now I see what I

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should have done, but I did not do it. They say it is not too late, and I will
try to wear that body, all wrinkled and so homely. They tell me I can soon
wear it out by good acts, and each time I do some good act, some wrinkles
will be taken away, and there will be a change for the better. I will try to be
happy. It is hard. Mrs. Sr., help me!

Dr. We will all help you.

Sp. Give me some little sympathy because I have to be in that terrible,
homely body of mine that I have made only by selfishness and hate. I will
wear it until I can do better. I need help and strength so that I can stand it.

Mrs. Sr., forgive me. They say I have done harm- to you, and that now I
have to wear that homely body and have to serve you. I will serve you and
help you. My first lesson will be how to be kind. I will, I will.

Dr. You will find many good friends who will help you. Ask the
intelligent spirits to help you. Will you ask them?

Sp. Yes, I will. They say I must thank you for those thundershots.

Dr. Do you believe in spirits now?

Sp. I must, I suppose. Don't be like I was, selfish, but do what you can
so that you will not have to get into a crippled-up body like mine. They say,
no one can help us to work out our own salvation. Make your spirit body
more beautiful than mine.

Now I will go and begin my work. Goodby.

 ---------------------

Miss F. H., a talented young musician, of gentle disposition, was a
student in college when she suddenly became violent and destructive, tore her
clothes into shreds and struck every one who came near her.

She was finally placed in a sanitarium, kept in a locked room for some
time and her case diagnosed as dementia praecox. When brought to our
Institute she had become almost a skeleton.

At this time she declared constantly her name was not Miss H. but that
she was Margaret Young, of England, and had two children.

One noon, as Miss H. was seated at the table, Mrs. Wickland
clairvoyantly saw the spirit of a newsboy take possession of the patient and
reach eagerly for food, exclaiming: "Gee whiz! I'm hungry! I haven't had
anything to eat for a long time."

His hunger satisfied, the newsboy left, and after this occurrence the spirit
of Margaret Young ceased tormenting the patient.

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Miss F. H. had with her as companion a younger sister, Miss C. H
who understood obsession and was of great help to her.

One afternoon while Miss F. H. was seated at the piano, she
suddenly became controlled by a strange entity, but the sister
sharply ordered the intruder to leave, and the patient again became herself.

This spirit controlled Mrs. Wickland during a physic circle held
that evening, and after this the patient improved rapidly. Within four
months she returned to her home, entirely well, graduated from
college and later took up music professionally.

EXPERIENCE, OCTOBER 6,1920
Spirit: ALICE. Patient: Miss F. H
PSYChiC: MRS. WICKLAND

Doctor Where did you come from?

Spirit I came here as a visitor.

Dr. Would you please introduce yourself ?

Sp. I must find out where I am. I do not know any of you people.

Dr. Will you please tell us who you are?

Sp. I do not know whether I want to tell you who I am.

Dr. Then tell us how long you have been dead.

Sp. Dead?

Dr. Do you understand your situation? Why are you here?

Sp. I do not know what I came here for. Somebody told me to
come in here but I do not see any object in coming.

Dr. Perhaps we may learn something from you. You could tell us
about your life and present condition. Tell us who you are; introduce
yourself.

Sp. Oh, I do not know.

Dr. Who told you to come in here? Do you know the party?

Sp. No. I was walking around trying to find some place.
Everything had been so dark and I have been walking such a long
time, and I am very tired. I do not want to be talked to. I want to rest.

Dr. You cannot do that because you are a stranger here. Are you
a man or a woman?

Sp. That's a very strange question to ask.

Dr. It may seem so to you.

Sp. Can't you see whether I am a man or woman? Don't they dress
differently?

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Dr. This is a lady's body in this chair. Are you a lady?

Sp. I most certainly am not a man!

Dr. Were you a woman or a girl?

Sp. I have not changed to a man, I tell you.

Dr. You evidently changed your bodily form. If I tell you that this
is the body of my wife you would be surprised. Evidently you are still
asleep.

Sp. Asleep, this time of day?

Dr. Why not try to understand matters? You know you are in a
strange situation. Try to understand it, try to learn the reason. This
body is not your own.

Sp. How you talk! I came into this room, and I certainly could not
come in without a body. I did not come in like a feather, floating
around.

Dr. Do you recognize these hands?

Sp. Those hands belong to me.

Dr. I want you to understand that you are using some one's body
temporarily. You do not recognize these hands.

Sp. I am not used to such treatment. (Haughtily.) I used to be in
society. (General laughter.) Oh, dear! Everyone is laughing at me. I
do not know what to do, it is so provoking.

Dr. Did you have a great deal of wealth when you had your own body?

Sp. Why should I tell you of my affairs?

Dr. Were you only pretending to be aristocratic?

Sp. I never heard such talk before.

Dr. You are a spirit but do not understand your condition.

Sp. I can't see how I happened to come here. (Struggling to leave.)

Dr. You must be sensible and listen to reason.

Sp. Oh, dear! What shall I do? Why should you hold my hands?

Dr. I am not holding your hands. I am holding my wife's hands.

Sp. I am not your wife!

Dr. Ask these persons if this is not my wife.

Sp. I do not know these people and I do not care to.

Dr. When you are ready to talk we will talk sensibly.

Sp. You need not dictate to me!

Dr. How long have you been dead?

Sp. Dead? What are you talking about? I have never died.

Dr. You have lost your physical body and have evidently

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been wandering around for a long time. You are allowed to control my
wife's body and you must behave sensibly.

Sp. I do not like that girl with the yellow waist. (Miss C. R., the
patient's sister.) She bothers me so very much. She drove me away
when I was getting along so nicely. (To Miss C. H.) What right have
you to do that to me? I do not like you one bit.

Dr. She probably drove out an earthbound spirit. You do not
realize your own condition.

Sp. She chased me away, and I don't like her.

Dr. You were controlling her sister, and she did not like it. You are
an earthbound spirit.

Sp. I am no such thing! (Stamping.)

Dr. You are a spirit, ignorant of your actual condition.

Sp. You need not talk to me! I will not listen to you.

Dr. Do you realize that you are using another person's body?

Sp. You certainly are crazy!

Dr. Do you not wish to be helped?

Sp. Do you think I need your help? Why, I came in here just to
see what things were. I have been walking so long, and then there
was a litle light (aura of sensitive) and that girl in the yellow waist
talked to me as if she owned the whole earth. Talking
to me like that!

Dr. Does it not seem strange to you that you are in the dark?

Sp. I was lost and have been walking around for a long time. It
has been very dark and I have felt so badly. I have not seen anything.

Dr. Strive to understand why you are in the dark.

Sp. I heard music (patient at piano) so I thought I would listen to
it, and then before I knew it I saw a light, and then came this thing to
me (Miss C. H.) and talked as if she owned the earth.

Dr. Let me tell you something. This girl's sister is a psychic
sensitive, and has been controlled by different spirits who have
disturbed her life. Today she was playing the piano, you listened and
got in touch with her magnetic aura. Through that you saw a little
light and then you controlled the girl.

Sp. I have never seen you before today, young lady! (To Miss F.H.)

Dr. At the present time you are controlling my wife's body.

Sp. I am sick and tired of hearing that.

Dr. Can't you understand what I am telling you?

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Sp. I do not understand it one bit, about controlling. How can I
control another body? That is such nonsense.

Dr. My wife is a psychic sensitive and allows spirits to control
her body.

Sp. Spiritualists, then? I suppose you are all Spiritualists. I see, I
see. - They are all crazy, all crazy.

Dr. You are proving the fallacy of your thinking at the present
moment. You are a spirit and are using my wife's body.

Sp. Keep still with that wife business. I was never married, and I
certainly will not marry you.

Dr. I said this is my wife's body.

Sp. There you are again, insinuating about the wife business!
This body belongs to me.

Dr. For a little while only.

Sp. Have you ever seen a person change bodies? What are you
talking about?

Dr. Did you ever stop to consider what mind is?

Sp. That belongs to the soul, and the soul is part of the Divine God.

Dr. That sounds very well. Do you understand what God is? I am
trying to reach your understanding. You have lost your body, and
are now a spirit, absolutely invisible to us.

Sp. Crazy, crazy, crazy! You are the craziest person I ever saw.

Dr. How would you explain the situation?

Sp. That girl came to me with such force and told me to get out,
and before I knew it I was gone. I stayed around and tried and tried to
get back, because I was not going to be driven out as she thought. I
have been watching for another chance to get in again, and here I am,
and now you can't drive me out.

Dr. Should not such an experience cause you to think?

Sp. Why should I?

Dr. You realize that you are in a strange condition. You are very
selfish; you know that I am telling the truth.

Sp. You have not told me any truth yet.

Dr. Ask one of these gentlemen whose hands I am holding.

Ans. The doctor is holding his wife's hands.

Dr. You are a spirit and are invisible to us. I am holding the hands
of Mrs. Wickland.

Sp. How in the world am I Mrs. Wickland?

Dr. You are not Mrs. Wickland. You are only using her body.

Sp. Now you know we cannot change bodies. I know this.

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Dr. You have lost your own body and are a spirit.

Sp. Then why did I lose it? If I were dead and had lost my body
how in the world could I have been walking around as I have been? I
was so hungry for a while and I wanted to get something to eat, but
that thing (pointing to Miss C. H.) chased me out. I put up some fight,
because I was so hungry.

Dr. It is your body that is dead; you have lost that, but you
yourself are not dead. Paul said: "There is a natural body, and there is
a spiritual body." You have lost your natural body.

Sp. When did I do that?

Dr. I do not know. After you stepped out of your physical body
you continued to live in your spiritual body. You were brought here
to obtain an understanding of your condition. When you have that
you will not need to walk in the darkness any longer. You will then
have an understanding of the spirit life.

Sp. I have been walking but I am on earth, not in Heaven.

Dr. What do you understand "Heaven" to be?

Sp. That is where God is.

Dr. The Bible says: "God is Love," and "Ye are the temple of God
and the Spirit of God dweIleth in you." If you have love in your heart
then you are a part of God.

Sp. I have always done the very best I could.

Dr. Do you know what year it is? It is 1920. Can you realize that
you have been in the dark for some time?

Sp. I have been in the dark and cannot remember things very well.

Dr. That is because you have lost all physical contact, and have
no understanding of the higher life. You have been brought here for
the purpose of being helped. You can only stay for a short time.

Sp. But where will I go?

Dr. To the spirit world. What is your name?

Sp. I do not know.

Miss C. H. You told it to me this afternoon. You said your name
was Mary Bulwer and that you were from Germany.

Sp. I did not say that. You were speaking to my friend at that time.
(Another spirit controlling patient.)

Dr. Do you realize where you are now? Do you know that you are
in Los Angeles, California?

Sp. No.

Dr. Where do you think you are?

Sp. My friend and I were traveling on the railroad.

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Dr. Did something happen?

Sp. We were going to-now I can't remember where. Oh, Mary! (To
a spirit.) Don't go! You know you were my companion, my traveling
companion. I always paid your way and you must not leave me now.

Dr. What does she say she is going to do?

Sp. Mary, won't you please tell me my name? Look! Look at that
fire! The whole thing is on fire!

Dr. You are again going through the condition under which you
passed out.

Sp. Mary, Mary, look at that fire!

Dr. Were you in a railroad accident?

Sp. Yes, yes!

Dr. That has all passed.

Sp. Look at Mary! She's dead! She was crushed!

Dr. They are revealing to you the conditions under which you
passed out. That is all in the past. You must quiet yourself.

Sp. I only got a glimpse of it for just a minute.

Dr. What does Mary say? Does she understand that she has
passed out?

Sp. She is lost and so am I. We are both lost. We lost our way.

Dr. That is because you are ignorant of the real life. If you had had
understanding when you had your physical body you would not
have been lost.

Sp. I have been walking and Mary is dead.

Dr. She is not really dead; she only lost her physical body. Mary
is no more dead than you are. You are both spirits.

Sp. I died in that terrible fire. Look at them all! All those people
are burning up! (Greatly excited.)

Dr. Forget the accident and collect yourself. Try to calm yourself
and forget the past.

Sp. (Agitated at sight of several spirits.) I don't want to see them-
any of them! Look at that one! He is coming he's coming! I don't want
to see you! I don't want you and I told you I did not want you.

Dr. You probably wronged these persons in life and are now
having to meet the consequences.

Sp. I just had a good time with you, but I don't care for you. I only
wanted to see how much you loved me, but I don't love you. Now
they say they come to accuse me. I do not want any of them. There
are three.

307

Dr. Men or women?

Sp. I do not love a woman. Why do they come here?

Dr. What does your conscience tell you?

Sp. (Sneeringly.) He killed himself because I would not marry him-the
fool!

Dr. Didn't you play vampire in the first place?

Sp. That's my affair.

Dr. You will now have to strive to do better.

Sp. Let me remain in darkness-it is far better than this. There I just
walked. I did not see anything, but I am tired of walking.

Dr. What does your conscience tell you?

Sp. Do not talk to me about conscience.

Dr. Jesus said: "Except ye become as little children, ye shall not enter
into the kingdom of heaven." You will have to start a new life; you will have
to develop a newness of spirit. Sacrifice self. You will have to sacrifice self
and become as a little child; you will have to correct your mistakes.

Sp. (To another spirit.) What have you to do with me now?

Dr. You have wronged these men you speak of.

Sp. There is a woman here too. What have you to do with me, I said? No,
 I never paid her for my dresses. Accusing me, just because I did not pay!

Dr. Was that the right thing to do? Your conscience told you what you
should have done. Now you will have to serve others. Selfishness is the root
of all evil.

Sp. I was taught nothing except to have a good time and spend money.
Money was just what I was taught in my childhood to be proud of. Not a
serious thought for any one that was beneath me. Why should I have been
taught that and now have to suffer for it?

Dr. Was truth in your heart?

Sp. I was taught always to have the respect of others and to remember
that I was rich, and that I should have all the world could give me. I wanted
money, and when I broke a heart it was good cheer to me. (To spirits.) I said,
Don't come, don't come!

Dr. You have been brought here for help. lie quiet and listen to me. You
will now have to try to undo your mistakes.

Sp. I could never do that.

Dr. You can and you will. Others are here to help you, and they will
show you a better way. Don't be selfish.

Sp. I am. very selfish and I have always been very selfish.

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was never taught anything else. My mother was a proud woman and she
was very pretty.

Dr. Unfortunately for you. You must quiet yourself; you have been
allowed to come here for help. Do you see any one else you know?

Sp. I do not care to look around any more; I see only those whom I have
wronged. They are all standing here! Oh! (Shrinking back.) Why should I
suffer so?

Dr. You created that suffering yourself. There is help for you if you will
be sincere. Intelligent spirits will help you.

Sp. I thought that I could live and have a good time. I traveled
everywhere I wanted to go. I saw everything and had everything I wanted
that money could buy. Every wish I had was gratified.

Dr. You stupified your soul. You will now have to undo your own
follies by kindness. You will have to serve others.

Sp. I cannot serve anybody. They will have to serve me. I have never
done anything in my life. I have always been waited on.

Dr. Understand that unless you help these spirits you will continue to
suffer. You will have nothing but the torment of your own conscience until
you ask for mercy and say, "I will serve."

Sp. I never can wait on any one; that would be a step beneath me. What
would my mother say if I should wait on any one beneath me?

Dr. There is nobody beneath you. Money does not make intelligence nor
merit.

Sp. Nobody beneath me? Would I associate with my dressmaker?

Dr. When you go to the spirit world you will probably find that your
humblest servant has a higher position than you have. You will often find
that the people you think beneath you have the most beautiful homes in the
spirit world. You have much to do to overcome your own disposition. There
are many advanced spirits here who will help you. Jesus taught us that we
must humble ourselves.

Sp. You do not know what that would mean to me.

Dr. My wife allows spirits of all kinds to control her brain and body.
Would you be willing to sacrifice yourself as she does? She allows you to
control her body so we can help you to a better understanding. Look around
and you will find spirits here who will help you.

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Sp. Oh, Rudolph! (Spirit.) I loved you, but you know that my pride and
my mother would not consent to our marriage. I know you suffered, but you
did not know that I suffered also. You know you could not give me the social
standing I was used to. I loved you, and I love you yet. Rudolph, will you
forgive me? I would have liked to have married you, Rudolph, but I could not.

Dr. Why should pride and money be obstacles to love?

Sp. I was not happy, but I had to crush that. I did not dare go contrary
to my mother. I had to shine in society with a broken heart. I had to smile at
all those fools.

I had to be another person when my heart and love were with you,
Rudolph, but forgive me! I know you suffered.

I went to your funeral but mother did not know it. I wished I were dead
and could go with you, but I had to close the door to love. From the moment
you had gone, I said I would conquer and shut out love and sympathy, and I
would now live for selfishness and let others suffer as I had suffered for the
love I had to shut out of my heart.

Rudolph, forgive and help me. You were such a good man, but religion
and money and mother stood between us and love. You were poor but you
were good.

He says if he could have been with me he could have taught me to be a
good woman.

Yes, Rudolph, but the good influence you brought with you was shut out
for me; then I did not care what became of me. I went into society and had a
good time trying to drown my sorrow. I tried to lead every man on so that I
could get him down at my feet. I did not care if I crushed men. I wanted
others to suffer as I had suffered.

Dr. That was selfish.

Sp. I was taught nothing but selfishness.

Dr. What does Rudolph say?

Sp. He says: "Alice, come with me to the spirit world." (Crying.) He
says in Heaven there is no pride to interfere; all is love and harmony.

Dr. We can help you. Strive to understand. When you realize the better
life you will have much to do to correct your mistakes. You can undo your
mistakes by kindness to others. You will have to work out your own salvation.

Sp. (Stooping forward.) Carl, don't go. I know you meant well, but I
could not love you when my heart was with another. I knew I was at fault
when you killed yourself. See--he just lies there! (Crying.)

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Dr. He, too, will find understanding. Others will help him. Spirit is
indestructible.

Sp. Look there! That cannot be! My mother! Look, look, how wrinkled
and homely she is! That cannot be my mother. She says she is-but it cannot
be. Oh, she is so homely! She was very lovely and beautiful. That cannot be
mother. She is so homely, so homely! Mother, what is the matter with you?
You had such a beautiful form, now you are all shriveled.

Dr. That is the spirit form which she developed by her selfishness. Her
spirit body is of her own making. "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he."

Sp. Mother, Mother, what is the matter with you?

She says: "Alice, I am at fault in the way I brought you up. I am at fault
for not bringing you up to be a better woman than you were. I am at fault for
breaking up that true love with Rudolph, which probably would have
brought out your better nature."

She says that she closed the door, that she did not do any kind acts in
life, so her spirit body was all crippled because of her bad deeds. She says
she is now serving, and when she does a good act some of her crippled
condition disappears.

She is so crippled and she has ragged clothes on. She says she is now
serving with the body she earned when she was in earth life. She is now
showing me the body she has earned in spirit. It is better than the other, but
her face is all wrinkled.

Dr. Her face was her pride.

Sp. She says she has to serve and help every one she wronged, that she
must do good acts, many of them, before her face will be beautiful.

She says: "Alice, try to be different. Here is your spirit body, Alice."

Oh, no! Not that! Rudolph, come and help me! You know how I feel.

Dr. What is your name? Ask your mother.

Sp. My mother cannot tell me; she cannot remember.

Dr. Can you remember who is the President?

Sp. McKinley.

Dr. He was killed in 1901. Did you know he was dead? He was shot in
Buffalo in 1901. You must have been dead twenty years or more.

Sp. Have I been walking all that time?

Dr. You must have been.

Sp. I was born in Milwaukee. I wish I could tell more, but

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I cannot. The door is shut and I cannot even think. Why cannot I get
my name? My memory is gone. Please remember Alice.

Dr. Your memory will come back to you. Realize life as it is. Think
yourself with Rudolph now.

Sp. I will. I also want to thank you. Goodbye.

         -------------------

Haughty superiority and pride of station had long kept the spirit
of a cultured English lady in the earth sphere, but with an
understanding of life's higher purpose came spiritual discernment and
progress.

EXPERIENCE, OCTOBER 4, 1922
Spirit: ESTHER SUTHERLAND. Psychic: MRS. WICKLAND

The controlling intelligence was very arrogant and gazed
disdainfully about.

Doctor Is your condition strange to you? What has happened to you?

Spirit Many things have happened to me, but that is not strange.

Dr. We should like to know who you are and where you came
from. You are a stranger here.

Sp. (Condescendingly, with marked English accent.) I fancy I am a
stranger to you.

Dr. May I ask to what nobility you belong?

Sp. What sort of a gentleman are you to ask such personal questions ?

Dr. Do you not like this gathering?

Sp. (Greatly bored.) I do not know anything about you.

Dr. Do you belong to royalty?

Sp. Why are so many looking at me? Some are standing, some sitting.

Dr. Some must be spirits.

Sp. Spirits! I fancy it is only imagination. I see people sitting and
standing. It may be you have no glasses to see with. I fancy you are
of the more common class.

Dr. We were not fortunate enough to be born in the upper class.
You have not introduced yourself to us yet.

Sp. I would not care to have an introduction to any of you here.
(Loftily.) I do not think you belong to the set I am used to going with.

Dr. We are not particularly anxious to belong to that set,

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but unless we know who you are we cannot pay you the honor due
you.

Sp. I do not know if I should like to have honor from you.

Dr. We should like to treat you with proper respect.

Sp. You have joked so rudely.

Dr. Lady, at least please tell us your name.

Sp. I do not know if I should do so. (Looking her questioner over
from head to foot through an imaginary lorgnette.)

Dr. It would not do you any harm, you know.

Sp. (Pointing to reception room.) Who stands there? (Invisibles.)
There are quite a few people here. It seems like a meeting of some
sort. I do not know why I should have come here.

Dr. Won't you please ask those people in the other room who
they are? I cannot see them. Ask them why they are here.

Sp. I fancy that is a select crowd, and I think I had better go with
them. I fancy they are more my set. (Attempting to rise.)

Dr. Please remain seated and ask those people who they are.

Sp. I do not see why I should ask them that.

Dr. Introduce yourself to them.

Sp. I do not think I should introduce myself. We do not do that.

Dr. You are a total stranger to us; you might be an imposter.

Sp. (Turning frigidly away, and speaking to the gentleman at her
right.) Recently I have not been able to express my thoughts as well
as I would care to.

Dr. Just ask those people who they are.

Sp. I told you I do not want to talk to them. If you feel like talking
to them you are welcome to go there and speak.

Dr. But we cannot see anybody there. How can we talk to them?

Sp. I cannot help it--I cannot help it.

Dr. Ask them if they are spirits. What do they do when I say they
are spirits? (To the invisible assemblage.) Are you all spirits? (To
controlling spirit.) What do they say?

Sp. Some nod their heads, Yes; some do not answer, but I cannot
see why they should do that. Most of them answer in the affirmative.
I see a soldier in uniform.

Dr. That might be one of your relatives. Are you of English
descent?

Sp. I am English.

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Dr. Do you know that Queen Victoria is dead?

Sp. Queen Victoria was the English Queen. She was a wonderful,
wonderful woman. She died a long time ago.

Dr. I think it was in 1901.

Sp. Yes, I think it was, was it not?

Dr. King Edward is dead, too.

Sp. They used to say he was a wonderful King. Everybody
respected and loved him. He was very much for everybody. He
mingled with the common herd as well as with fine society.

Dr. That is a good suggestion for you. You should feel more at
home with the common herd. Do you remember the Great War.

Sp. What Great War?

Dr. Do you know Lord Kitchener? He died in the Great War.

Sp. We had war with the Boers.

Dr. That was about 1898. Did you know Lord Kitchener?

Sp. He was a good man but not much in any war. I do not know
anything about the Great War you speak of.

Dr. There were twenty-three or four nations fighting each other.
England was fighting Germany.

Sp. I fancy that is remarkable. I do not know anything about that. I
used to read a great deal at one time.

Dr. Do you remember the Kaiser?

Sp. He was a strange man.

Dr. Do you know that the Kaiser is deposed? Do you know that
the Czar and his family were killed?

Sp. How?

Dr. By the Bolshevists.

Sp. What? Who are they?

Dr. They are the ones who upset the royalty business in Russia.

Sp. No, they did not call them that. They called them what is that
word I wish to say?

Ques. Nihilist?

Sp. Yes, that is it. They were sent to Siberia.

Dr. The Czar was sent that way, and then killed.

Sp. Fancy that!

Dr. Do you remember the Emperor of Austria? He has passed on.

Sp. Where have I been all this time not to know about the things
of which you are talking?

Dr. The Hapsburg House is no longer in power.

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Sp. No! What is the world coming to?

Dr. Coming to Democracy.

Sp. All royalty gone! Then the common herd is starting in to do wrong.

Dr. There may be no aristocracy in time.

Sp. We have noble blood in our veins.

Dr. Suppose a commoner were made a King; would that change
his blood? Do you remember that the King honored Napoleon and
gave him a title? That did not give him blue blood.

Sp. I was born of noble blood and I will stick to that all my life.

Dr. What is your name? Were you a member of the English royal
family?

Sp. My name was in olden times-well, I have not had my name for
a long time. It seems to me-yes, my name was Esther Sutherland.

Ques. Were you the Duchess of Sutherland?

Sp. (Indignantly.) No, I was not the Duchess, but one of the
distant relatives. They all had more money, while I only had the title.
That is worth a great deal.

Ques. Do you know you are in America?

Sp. I am still in England.

Ques. Do you see any of your old friends around here?

Dr. Look in that crowd you spoke of; can you find some one you
know?

Sp. I never knew that Kitchener had passed away as you state.

Dr. He was drowned when a war vessel was torpedoed on the
Scottish Coast. Do you know him?

Sp. Yes. He is here, and he says that I must try to understand my
situation.

Dr. That is why you were brought here.

Sp. (Pointing to further end of hall.) Why, there's an old gentleman
(spirit) lecturing that I heard many years ago! Just fancy! I never
thought I would hear him again.

He is talking to a great many people. (Spirits.) It seems we have
many here who just came to investigate what kind of a meeting this is,
and what is going on. They all seem to be trying very hard to find out
what they really are.

He is now standing on that platform. He is lecturing just as he
used to in England some years ago. I went to hear him, but he talked
Spiritualism. I did not really know what he

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meant. He spoke well. He said his name is Dr. Peebles. (Famous lecturer on
Spiritualism.) He said to me, "You go in there," so I came.

He says: "I want you to get understanding, and I do not-" no, no, what
does he mean? He says he does not want me to stay in the earth sphere, but
to lift my soul up to God and understand the real spiritual meaning of Him.

He has a big crowd around him; some he is trying to lift up to higher
things, others he is trying to wake up, so he tells me. They are not sleeping,
are they?

Dr. Yes, mentally. The Bible says: "Blessed is he that hath part in the
first resurrection: on such the second death has no power."

Sp. What does that mean?

Dr. It means that for those who have a spiritual understanding while in
the body there is no death.

Sp. Of course there is.

Dr. No one ever "dies." The spirit, or mind, is not the body.

Sp. It is not?

Dr. You are dead to the world and your own relatives, and evidently
have been so for many years, but we know that you yourself are not really
dead.

Sp. I have been walking about a great deal, and I have traveled
extensively, but I have felt very strange. Whenever I wanted to go anywhere,
all I had to do was to think, and it seemed that I did not need a train or
anything, but I was there. At times I felt I must be in America, because I
always heard they run their trains much faster than in England.

Dr. You are in Los Angeles, California.

Sp. California! How did I get here? The old gentleman is talking to a big
crowd. He says he has to bring them here to get them to understand, and to
have them open their spiritual eyes to see.

Dr. You are having yours opened now.

Sp. Why should I come here and speak? Why do the rest not speak? The
lecturer says he could take me quicker than any of the others. Still I do not
look different than they. He says he could take me more quickly to control a
psychic.

Dr. He is right.

Sp. What does he mean by that? He said it was necessary to bring this
crowd here. He met most of them in England when he was lecturing there
many years ago. He says some

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will listen to his lecture, but many he cannot reach, nor even waken, so he
brought them here.

He says he did not bring me here to waken me, but I had come with
others in that room over there. There are so many there. Some are crippled
and some cannot speak at all. It seems as if he speaks and lifts them up, and
then they waken. He has a wonderful power for healing.

Dr. They are lifted up by his thought. He makes them understand that
their crippled bodies are in the grave.

Sp. Now he says that I must thank you for the privilege of meeting you
and of talking with you. I do not see why I should do that. He says also that
I shall have to put all my pride aside. Yes, but the rest are the same as I.

Dr. You might see Queen Victoria or King Edward* in the crowd, and I
am told that you will find them very common now.

Sp. Of Queen Victoria they always said she talked to spirits, and
everybody thought she was a little crazy on the subject.

Dr. She was open-minded.

Sp. She had spirit communications very often.

Dr. She is not a Queen any longer.

Sp. Some said she had a medium with her a great deal to ask what things
to do and what not to do. His name was Brown, I believe.

Dr. Yes, John Brown.

Sp. She said she always had to ask her husband about things.

Dr. What more does Dr. Peebles say?

Sp. He says I had better say Good Night to you all, and he also says that
he will take all the crowd away with him, and that he will show them the
spirit world and try to help them. That is his work.

Dr. He passed out about Six months ago. Now he is active on the other side.

Sp. I think I am growing weak; I feel strange.

Dr. You are losing control. This body is not yours; it is my wife's.

Sp. What do you mean?

Dr. She is a psychic through whom you are talking. You are
experiencing only a temporary sensation.

Sp. There is my mother! (Spirit.) I have not seen her for many years.

Dr. How does she look?

See Chap. 4, Page 83. Spirit: Lillian R.


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Sp. She looks very young.

Dr. Ask her if she has understanding?

Sp. She says, Yes, she was very much interested in Dr. Peebles' lectures,
and also she used to go and listen to Mrs. Britten.

Dr. She was a wonderful woman. She is now showing object lessons in
spirit life.

Sp. Mother says she used to go and hear her quite often, and also some
man who lectured.

Dr. Was his name Mr. Wallis?

Sp. Yes. He was quite a young man at that time.

Dr. He has also passed on. They all pass along to the better land.

Sp. (With transfigured face, gazing raptly upon some vision.) Look at
that open door! It is so beautifully engraved. It has engraved on it:

The Door of Life.
Understanding of Life.
Understanding of God in the True Sense.

The door is opening, very slowly, and we look in. What a beautiful Hall!
The altar in the front is so beautiful, so beautiful! On the altar, in the center,
is a beautiful statue which represents Wisdom. There is a statue of Truth,
one of Love, one of Understanding, one of Honesty, one of Life and one of
Modesty.

Wisdom is the center statue. There are seven statues in all, each holding a
light, each one of the seven colors. Three on each side of Wisdom, each with
a light, all blending into Wisdom, the beautiful White Light.

Wisdom
Truth Honesty
Love Life

Understanding Modesty

From these colors come the seven musical notes. Each note corresponds
to a color, and then goes toward the center and lends into Wisdom.

There the real truth of life and an understanding of God is learned.

Dr. The Bible says, "God is Love," and "God is Spirit, and they that
worship Him must worship Him in spirit and in truth."

Sp. That is beautiful. See those colors blend! They go on

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and on, blending in all ways, into all forms, into all kinds of shapes, into
stars and flowers, and then they become music.

Now they form into leaves, buds and flowers-music taking form and
color. The music itself-I never heard such beautiful music! Is that Heaven?

Dr. You may call it Heaven, or the spirit world. Heaven is a condition of
mind. The Bible says: "Ye are the temple of God and the Spirit of God
dwelleth in you." God is Love and Wisdom.

Sp. They say to me: "This is the Gateway to the Higher Life. You have
had a glimpse of it, but you cannot be there." Why cannot I go there?

Dr. You are carrying a load of which you must rid yourself-your pride
and your ignorance of spiritual laws.

Sp. There is one who says: "We have to learn our lessons, to be humble,
to be charitable, to serve. Learn to be honest and sincere, then you can enter.
that beautiful hall. Take up the cross and follow me.

"That cross represents the crucifying of self-selfishness, jealousy, envy,
bigotry, dogma, creeds, false belief and pride. Take up your cross and follow me."

That means that I must crucify self, learn to serve, learn the lesson of
life, learn to love others better than myself. "Selfishness is the cause of all
trouble. Crucify self-conceit." Oh, I have much of it. I have much to crucify.
I must take up my cross and learn my lesson down there. (Pointing downward.)

Dr. Jesus said: "Except ye become as little children, ye shall not enter
into the kingdom of heaven."

Sp. (With meek humility, and a beautiful expression of resignation, hands
uplifted.) Take me-I am ready to serve, and also to seek for truth. I will begin
here and now to do the will of Heaven.

Whatever is the will of God, find me there doing it. I must not go to
church to find God, I must find Him within if I wish the opening of the door
to that beautiful Hall of Understanding, Wisdom and Glory.

Now I have to start at the bottom, at the very bottom, to serve. Is that
to be my mission? Is it?

Dr. Yes; every one must serve.

Sp. Amongst all those crippled and blind people-I am to show them the
way. The door was opened for me to have a glimpse of what I am to work
for, but it was closed again, and I--I have to serve.

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I have never served. It will be very hard, for I have always been waited
on. I have never had to dress myself or comb my hair. I never have done it in
all my life, never.

Now I have to serve, and comb the matted hair of those cripples down
there-I--but I have to do it.

Dr. Jesus said: "My yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Sp. (Earnestly.) It is worth it, to gain that crown of wisdom. It is worth
all I must go through with to enter that beautiful hall and listen to the
wonders there.

I will serve, yes, I honestly will. I will do that and more, for all. God help
me in my great struggle. Yes, I promise I will serve and do all within my power.

I must go. Good Night.

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